Warm Welcome - Cold Plates

I love entertaining!  I love planning the menu, setting the table, preparing the meal, picking the perfect flowers, lighting the candles, and creating the atmosphere!  I've learned in my years here in Northern Ireland, that much of entertaining is cultural, which has lead to some funny moments and sometimes a great deal of stress!

I find that in most things, Americans are much more laid back and informal than their Northern Irish counterparts.  In the States we seem to value individuality very highly, which translates to there being as many ways of doing things as there are people.  Dinner parties vary from a formally set table of China and crystal to eating off a paper plate and plastic cup on your knee... and everything in between.  The great thing is, all these different ways of entertaining are acceptable, and no one bats an eyelash!

From my experience, Northern Irish culture tends to be more formal, and abides by a more fixed set of rules and expectations.  There seems to be a right way and a wrong way to do most things in this country.  Because of this, there is a lot less variety in the way people entertain.  There are certain rules to be followed if things are to be done "correctly".  

*It must be said that these are generalizations (which I know can be VERY dangerous), but for me, the only way I can navigate a foreign culture is to notice what the "general rules" are and realize that there are always exceptions to those rules.  I do understand, that even within Northern Irish culture there are varying degrees of formality... the country being much more traditional and keeping even more closely to the fixed rules than the city, etc.  All that being said, these are some of the "rules" as I have observed them: 

• plates must be warmed (in the oven or an electric blanket type contraption especially for plate warming)
• three courses should be served (starter, main, and dessert)
• separate silverware must be set out for each course in the proper place (dessert spoons and forks go above the plate, who knew there were even separate spoons and forks for dessert, doesn't everyone just lick off their spoon and save it for dessert?)
• side plates should be used for bread (and special knives, again, who knew?)
• tea and coffee are always served after dessert
• "biscuits" or cookies must be served with tea and coffee (so I guess that's actually 4 courses)
• chocolates are often served with tea and coffee too (is that 5 courses?)
• food is usually plated in the kitchen and served to guests (very little buffet or family style here)
• dinner starts much later and lasts much longer than in America (not unusual to go for dinner at 8:00 PM, when I feel one should be turning in for the evening and getting ready for bed)
• guests must stay "the right" amount of time (leaving too soon is very rude and indicates you haven't had a good time, staying too long is also rude... I have yet to figure out how you know what "the right" amount of time is, Robert just gives me the nod when it is OK to go)
• there is a ritual around leaving someone's home... first, you CAN NOT mention leaving too soon, or everyone will be offended and whisper about you later that you "eat and run" which is a cardinal sin... after "the right" amount of time has passed, you mention that you should be going, but then you sit on for another 20 minutes or so, then you mention that you should be going again and sit on for an additional 20 minutes or so, you can then mention that you should be going a third time and actually begin making your way to the door.  The goodbye at the door can take anywhere from 1-20 minutes, depending.  And then, approximately an hour later, you can actually get in your car and go.

All these rules were new to me!  In my experience, plates are only warmed by the sun when they are sitting on the end of a picnic table.  No one in my family drinks tea or coffee, we are more the hot chocolate type.  And the only time we eat "plated" food is at a restaurant. Meals were always family style at our house.  

Needless to say, the first few times I entertained over here I got nearly all of it "WRONG".  Thankfully most Northern Irish people were willing to overlook my lack of proper entertaining protocol because I'm not from here.  Over my 2+ years here I've gradually learned "the rules" and make reasonable attempts to follow them even though I find most of them silly.  

Once I began to get a sense that there is a "proper" way to do entertaining (and that most of my American entertaining habits were not "proper" in this place) I started to get REALLY stressed any time people came over.  I would fuss around the table moving silverware, double checking to make sure all the proper utensils were in the proper places, and generally getting myself all worked up.  A Northern Irish woman once complained when I was in her home, that some people are so lazy, they don't leave the proper distance between the plate and the edge of the table, nor do they line up the silverware evenly with the plate, and they even leave fingerprints on the silverware.  So, the next time I had guests in my house I was nearly in tears over whether or not the plates were the proper distance from the edge of the table, and I polished each utensil and placed it without touching it so there would be no fingerprints. (believe it or not, it is true, and I was VERY emotional about it, just ask Robert!)  

Maybe it was just the stress of moving to this country, maybe it was the stress of being newly married and wanting Robert's family and friends to like me... who knows?  But that tearful event was a turning point for me.  Something that I had once LOVED doing had turned into something that I dreaded and cried over!  I decided from that moment on that I would do the best I could, and if it wasn't up to people's expectations, it was too bad!  Since then, I've relaxed so much and enjoy entertaining once again!  

The only rule which I refuse to attempt is the plate warming.  For some reason, I have chosen this as my last stand.  I will not, under any circumstances warm a plate.  I think it is my little way of reminding people that I am NOT Northern Irish.  I am AMERICAN and I'm proud of it!  I'll make all kinds of adjustments to the way I live and speak.  I'll put up with a thousand frustrations and inconveniences as a guest in this country... but I will not warm a plate!  Strange the things we hang onto from our own culture and background!  Even stranger that I chose plate warming as the hill I wanted to plant my flag and live or die on! 

After a bumpy start, I think I'm finding a balance in combining the best of Northern Irish and American entertaining practices.  I'm trying very hard not to view one way as "right" and the other way as "wrong".  They are just different.  (With the exception of plate warming, which I do think is just wrong.)  It is the challenge that expats face in all areas of life in a foreign land... letting go of the notion that there is only one way to do things, that the way which is familiar to you is somehow better than all the others.  Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but being open to other ways of living, doing, and being while remaining true to yourself is more difficult than it seems and is something I have to practice over and over and over again!  

So, if you come over to our place you can expect a warm American/Northern Irish welcome, a (hopefully) tasty meal, tea, coffee, and biscuits, I'll even try to lay the silverware out properly... just don't expect a warm plate!!

*Disclaimer:  If you are Northern Irish, please don't be offended.  This is my interpretation of "the rules" from the outside looking in!  These are things I've noticed generally from a foreigner's perspective.   I know not EVERY Northern Irish person follows these rules exactly nor is every Northern Irish person formal in this way.  I also do know in my head that warming plates makes sense when serving hot food... but I will still never do it!!  Perhaps my next post will be about the oddities of American style entertaining from Robert's Northern Irish perspective (and believe me, he finds the American way of doing things strange too)!  

Back to School!

There is a growing chill in the air.  The daylight hours are getting noticeably shorter.  A small spattering of leaves are turning from brilliant summer green to the yellows and oranges of fall.  Shops are filled with displays of brightly colored back packs, lunch boxes, and yellow pencils sharpened to a fine point.  The teacher in me thrills at the sight of crisp clean notebooks and rainbow boxes of perfect coloring crayons!  The smell of new school supplies never fails to bring a smile to my face, a pep to my step, and a little race in my heart!

I know that in a few weeks time, the crayons will be broken, the notebooks will be filled with scrawls, and students the world over will search in vain for sharpened pencils inside desks that look as though they've been hit by small tornados!  But, oh, the joy of all the pristine new school supplies, packed away neatly in brand new backpacks, just waiting to be used and abused by eager little hands!

Something about the advent of a school year, a fresh start, a brand new beginning holds so much promise, so much potential, so much excitement!  As a teacher, I thrill at the thought of a new group of kids who have never experienced my class before!  I think about all the new discoveries, new experiences, ways they will grow and change over the next few months.  So much promise!  I also think about myself... I'm so fresh, so eager, with a new reserve of patience and calm.  

I know it won't last forever.  The exhaustion will set in.  The patience will wear thin, sometimes VERY thin!  The calm will gradually be eroded by a thousand emergencies, requests, questions, demands, expectations, papers to grade, lessons to plan, parents to call, and forms to fill out, and frustrations flying in from every direction.  

But... for now...

All that I can see is the promise of a new beginning.  A chance to get things right that I got wrong last year.  An opportunity to plan a better lesson, try a new technique, be more organized, listen to my students...  be a better teacher!  

We all need new beginnings.  Times when we can reset the clock, wipe the slate clean, and start over again.  One of the things I really love about teaching is that once a year, you can do just that.  Each school year is, in the immortal words of Anne Shirley, "fresh, with no mistakes in it."  

So, I'll just bask in the anticipation that fills me every single fall, whether I teach kindergarten, 6th grade, or preschool!   And in a few months, when I'm battling the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual fatigue that goes along with teaching children, I will try to think back and remember all these happy back to school feelings and remember that His mercies are new every morning!

Lamentations 3:21-24

 This I recall to my mind,Therefore I have hope.

 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning;Great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“Therefore I hope in Him!”

The Making of a Masterpiece!

We recently spent a wonderful long weekend visiting a friend in the South of Ireland.  Because I love all things kitchen and entertaining, I couldn't resist a trip to the House of Waterford Crystal factory!  We  marveled at the beautiful, stunning pieces of crystal in the shop and their equally stunning prices before heading off on the tour where we saw first hand each step in the process of making Waterford crystal.

For every step of the process, a craftsman will train for 8-10 years to become a master at just that one job.  Here are the blowers who start with a lump of melted glass and form it into individual vessels with their breath and skilled spinning of the tools.  Slowly, and with great care, the lump begins to take shape.

The vessel is then spun and molded in the hands of another craftsman to form its shape and add any extra bits such as handles or spouts.

Once the craftsman is finished, the vessel is cooled, then sent on to quality control to be checked.  Waterford Crystal only produces first class products.  If any imperfections or irregularities are found, the piece is smashed and melted down again.  You will never find Waterford Crystal "seconds" as only first class pieces are produced, and craftsman are not paid for any imperfect pieces they produce.

Pieces that pass quality control are then hand marked by an expert craftsman for cutting.

Once marked, pieces are sent to the cutting room, where each facet on the piece is cut by hand to create the sparkling, glittering creations that we know as Waterford crystal.

After cutting, each flawless piece is washed and polished and ready for sale.

Upon finishing the tour, we could understand in a new way why the price of Waterford crystal is so high!  The years of training and apprenticeship required to become a master craftsman, the hours of skilled work that go into each pice of crystal, the high standard of quality and perfection required for all finished products, certainly mean that each piece is a masterpiece and worth a very high price!

Isn't it true that all masterpiece creations are of great value?  And to think that as Christians, we are all works of art, being perfected and made beautiful by THE MASTER!  He created us, formed us from lumps of raw material and blew life into us with a vision of the beautiful, unique masterpiece we would each become at the end of the process.  With great care he molds us, forms our character, shapes our hearts, and creates facets in our personality which will reflect and refract His light to the world around.  He will also one day present us to the Father faultless and without blemish when we are finally made perfect through his sacrifice and redemption in Glory!

Indeed, YOU and I are masterpieces in the making!  On our own, just pieces of simple glass, but in the hands of the MASTER, beautiful crystal art works of great value!  How will I reflect the light of my Creator today?







 

Lessons from the kitchen!

The kitchen in my house was designed by a man, for a man!  It suited Robert's needs perfectly when he was a bachelor.  By his own admission, he spent as little time in the kitchen as possible!  A few pans, a few utensils, some plates and cups, salt and pepper... he was perfectly happy with the kitchen as he designed it!

Then....

I came along!  Not just me, but all my cooking and baking paraphernalia!  There are certain "essentials" that began filling every nook and cranny of our kitchen!  Things like stand mixers, blenders (counter top and hand held), serving platters of every size and shape imaginable, spices from all the corners of the globe, mixing bowls, baking pans, canisters containing a full range of flours (coarse wheat, plain, self raising, strong, etc.) began invading our cupboards, drawers, and counter space!  Suddenly, what was a perfectly adequate kitchen, became woefully inadequate to hold all the gadgets of this home cook!!!

Over the last few years, the huge influx of equipment and the lack of good storage began adding up to a giant clutter problem!  If you know me at all, you know that my tolerance for clutter is LOW!  For me, containment is the only way forward!  Baskets, boxes, and storage containers thrill my soul and bring a smile to my face!  But our clutter problem just would not be contained!  We realized several months ago that SOMETHING needed to be done!  Not wanting to spend a lot of money on a full remodel, we came up with a plan to add some shelving strategically and increase storage space that way! 

In the spring the builder came to measure for our shelves.  Weeks went by.  Then we chose paint colors.  Weeks went by.  Then we picked tiles for a backsplash behind the stove and sink.  Weeks went by.  We cleared everything out of the kitchen and painted.  Weeks went by.  The builder came to install the shelves.  Weeks went by.  We are still waiting to find out when the tiles will be installed.  I'm guessing weeks will go by!  

What I thought would be a weekend project has taken months and months!  I envisioned being able to de-clutter the kitchen in a few hours, but it has taken much more time and energy than I imagined it would.  It makes sense, really.  The clutter that has taken years to develop couldn't just be swept away with the brush of a hand.  It took lots of hard work... blood, sweat, and even some tears!  Sorting, organizing, deciding what to throw away, give away, and hold on to can be a painstaking process, and the mess involved in doing it made our kitchen look anything BUT de-cluttered for a while.  But now, standing back and looking at my "new" kitchen... made the whole process, all the waiting, all the moving around of things, all the sorting and letting go so worth while!  The kitchen is now finished apart from the tiles to be installed!  Everything has a place and is contained! 

I can't help but think that our little kitchen project has some bigger life lessons embedded in it!  I love how the Lord uses my everyday experiences to teach me!  Having seen how much clutter had accumulated in my kitchen in a few years, makes me think about how much "clutter" infiltrates my heart and mind as well.  Things that I hold on to, harbor, wounds that I nurse... clutter that gets in the way of my relationship with God and my relationships with people.  Just like my kitchen clear out, getting rid of heart clutter can be difficult... messy... painful.  But aren't the rewards of the hard work worth it!  

Like my kitchen project, clearing away heart clutter is a long process... life long!  I'm human, so I will keep on making messes in spite of my best cleaning efforts.  After all, when it comes to the heart, I could never clean enough to make even a dent!  But I know the Holy Spirit is at work in me, and can clean up things that I can not.  He can change my attitudes, convict me of wrong, empower me to let go of things that get in my way.  And someday, when I am in my heavenly home, I will be able to stand back and see a heart perfectly clean and clear of clutter, not because of my efforts, but because of the work of Jesus on the cross and his grace in my life!  What a great day that will be! 

Grace Greater Than Our Sin by Julia H. Johnston 

1. Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
   Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
   Yonder on Calvary’s mount outpoured,
   There where the blood of the Lamb was spilled.
   • Refrain:
     Grace, grace, God’s grace,
     Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
     Grace, grace, God’s grace,
     Grace that is greater than all our sin!
2. Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
   Threaten the soul with infinite loss;
   Grace that is greater, yes, grace untold,
   Points to the refuge, the mighty cross.
3. Dark is the stain that we cannot hide;
   What can we do to wash it away?
   Look! There is flowing a crimson tide,
   Brighter than snow you may be today.
4. Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
   Freely bestowed on all who believe!
   You that are longing to see His face,
   Will you this moment His grace receive?